The Last Ramadan

Ramadan is over at last. And I have make up my mind never will I go through this shit again. For the entire time I do not smoke, I do not drink alcohol, and I do not have any sexes with any woman, I go to the mosque and keep to my prayer schedule. Uncle Massoud he was so proud of me but the entire time I am think why I am doing this crazy shit.

I was have nightmares the last few nights but was determines I would go through it and even I give to charity though I feel the whole time it was I who needs help.

I have be accussed of on even this blog by people who do not know me of not be a good Muslim and even that I be a fake Muslim. Well guess what? These people they are right. Not entire right but in a way. You see I was born a Muslim. If you are born a Muslim that is all there is to it. You are assummed that you are a born Muslim and that is that.

If it were not for my mother I doubt I would have make it this long but she tells me the only time you real have to be a good Muslim like the Qu'ran says to do is during Ramadan. Even in these times I am not a good Muslim though but I am determine this time I will be.

So last Sunday night Uncle Massoud asks me to stay with Mara. He have work he have to do at the store and can find no one else so I agree. All this time she is still in a catatonic state and I am thinking, now this is my fault. Just like all things that are my fault like what has happen to Leann and the state of mind Sherey is in now just like a wild animal and how in a way it is my fault little Ruthie her sister is dead now and her body way out in the woods in a Easter Bunny costume.

Well I almost forget to tell how the night before I have a nightmare and Mara she raise up in her bed and look me straight in the eyes and is mad as the hells and says something but I can not hear her or understand what she says and she lays back down and there is Uncle Massoud like from out of nowhere ask me what she say. But I do not know.

So it is the next day and here I am sitting here. Uncle Massoud have be taking good care of her. Making sure she is well fed and bathed her and turns her so she will not get bed sores and massages her arms and legs and all kinds of things.

So I am alone with her now and looking at her and thinking all of this is my fucking fault how she is. I have a obligation to her and to Massoud to make things right I am thinking.

So just like that I uncover her and I undress her and then I fuck her. I fuck her a bunch of times really and hard. Man do I ever fill her up with cum. But can you believe it all these times and I am get no response from her no not even so much as a smile or a frown or a sigh. Her eyes do not open and there is no moves from her at all. It is like fucks a dead woman except I get her pussy moist by rubbing it. That is the only reaction I get from her her pussy quivers and moves.

Well anyway after three times I am disheartened and I guess to myself well I have do it now it is still Ramadan. So I have failed after all even though I meant to do this for a good reason to try to bring this bitch back to life and sanity. What was I thinking?

So anyway I have to bathe her now and so I do and make sure I get her dry off real good and back to bed and cover her up and all this time no sign of life from her. Man do I ever feel like a stupid idiot.

But then it hit me. I am not only not a good Muslim I am not a Muslim at all just like some people have be accusses me of. So that is the way it is then.

There is no God. It is all nonsense. How could there be and let me go through with all this? So I have had it. I am something better than this and mean for bigger and better things. I am a American citizen now as I explained in my last post.

Even more important than that, I am me, Muhammed Shahiri. And I can do whatever the fuck I want to do. And on the last Sunday night before the end of ramadan i fucked my catatonic aunt. It do no good she is still out of her right mind. But I know now I have only to be patient. Everything will work out for me in the end. It always does.

The Fourth Of July-An American Prayer

i not was able to do anything for the fourth of july this year even if i have wanted to everything that has been happens over the last two months have keep me in a state of depression i could not have been enjoy of it if i want to……..at the same time i do have a obligation to care for mara who i can not leave alone here for very long at a time and actual is takes a risk if i leave her alone at all though at times this is necessary…….

but after the night of the third and all the day of the fourth i keep wonders okay how long now will it be before it is safe to do what i hope to do and i try to occupy my time by watches the television and gets me on the guest account of uncle massouds computer and read news and learn more about this countrys celebrations of it’s independence…….

then on the day of the fourth it was that great lord god allah he gives me a sign that he have give his blessings to america…..which these foolish christians even they do not take any notice of no and they would not appreciate it if it was point it out to them….but thanks to the wisdom that great lord god almighty allah have he bestowed upon my heart and mind and soul you have be give me the ability to know and to see your hand at work…….oh great lord god almighty allah you have take you hand and stretched it out upon america the land of the free and the home of the brave…….

i have be asking you in privacys lord god…..where is the free……where is the brave…….is there no one in the house…….

and then you showed me how you have put you special blessings upon this great nation………

you have rewards this great nation lord god allah by gives them the ability to do what no nation has ever be allowed by you to do great lord god almighty allah…..you have allows them to ascend to the heavens and even you have allows them to walk upon the moon that glorious light of the night that you hung within the heavens as though it were be a tantalizing bauble…..they do not reach there just on their own courage and initiative and genius all of these things which you have blesses them with in abundance for if they have be displeasure to you could easy have tell them no……but you allows them to do this and not just once but over and over you have allows them to do this……

and now you have cause them to have to wait until the fourth of july to shoot off they rocket though they plan on do it before but you put a stumbling blocks in they path and then you make the way for them to have the best fourth of july ever and they do not notice it…..

and this evil one in north korea he have plans to show up america with his missiles……and what do you do great lord god allah…..for all they evil planning you cause them to fail you cause they missiles that they test on the fourth of july to fall away helpless…..while americas rocket it soar up into the heavens like a great eagle……..

i knew from this lord god allah that you have keep you blessings on this great country on this my adopted land and have showed me the wisdom of you ways and you blessings…….

and so i offer you this prayer great lord god allah…….while americans all over are go about they business and they fourth of july parties and get they drunk and high and have their hot dog eating contests and parades and floats and cookouts and all this foolishness that they do and most of them lord god do not even stop to think about what the day it real means…….just a day to party to some, or a weekend off of work……but few contemplate the reason for this great holiday or how lucky they are to live in this great land……and even fewer great lord god allah think about you and how you have blessed this great country…..

there are times when you have put america through the fire great lord god almighty allah and you have tested them because of the values that this country stands for which is a bright and shining beacon of liberty and justice you want the people to always be strong and brave…….otherwise they freedoms will be takes away from them or even they will just allow them to wither on the vine and die……..

i ask lord god though i have be in the depths of depression and despair of worry and anxiety that may i never forget to have faith and to be thankful for the many blessings that you have bestowed upon me…….

and always lord god i pray please continue to bless me……and god bless always this great land…..the united states of america.